An honest review of TNM

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loony636
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An honest review of TNM

Post by loony636 »

Now really guys, I've been lurking around these forums for a while now, and I've noticed a great deal of comments about the mod like "OMG, its the best thing eva!!!" and "Jonas rockorz my boxorz" and whatever, so I'm going to set the record straight. Because really, is TNM that good?

The answer: No. It really isn't.

But to prove my point without a shadow of a doubt, let's look into a few of the more detailed gameplay elements:

1) The unreal engine.

It sucks guys. Really. It does. Its old, out of date, the AI is crap, the textures are awful and the models look like playdough blobs with eyes and mouths that move like a spastic monkey. I mean, look at Halo. Why didn't you guys use Halo as an engine, huh? Its just so much better than Deus Ex ever was.

2) Trestkon.

Okay, what is with this guy? Firstly, his name is the most retarded name I've ever seen EVER, and secondly, he's such a pansy. I don't want to be playing through 15 hours of a mod with a wishy washy character. Give him some balls, PLEASE.

3) The voice acting.

Now, while you guys went on and on about the voice acting, is it really that good? Answer: Hell no. Most of the voice acting sounds like its been done by 10 year olds with speech impediments. And I had to give up most of my bandwidth for these guys and they're just bad. Awful. I literally mute the game every time someone starts speaking, or kill them as soon as they look in my direction. I hate them that much.

4) The release dates.

I mean come on guys, I wanted this game five years ago, why wasn't it released? The team are lazy, that's why. Lazy. They've done nothing over the last 7 years, and its showed. I mean, I might as well have just gone to Deus Ex, taken all the models, maps, characters and conversation out of the game and replaced them all with a single untextured box room with two guys yelling something about sporks and I would've got the same result.

5) Goats and llamas.

Now, I'm not one to judge, but if the creators of this mod are that obsessed with goats and llamas, please, go get some help. I don't want to be exposed to your weird animal fetishes any more than I want to hear about Jonas' gastrointestinal issues. And believe me, I really don't want to know about those. So, I don't know what sporks and foons are, but please, the less of it that pollutes my computer the better.

6) Humour.

Okay, while this mod tries to be funny, its not. Let's just get that straight. That shit with the jumping puzzle WASN'T FUNNY. I threw my laptop at my wall because of that, and now I'm out $50,000 because I broke a priceless painting in my room and accidentally insulted my neighbours mother as I yelled profanities at the computer and now have to pay damages. Not funny. At all.

7) Length.

Have the game developers learned nothing about being short and to the point? Why do I have to play the entire game when the Wiki is just RIGHT THERE for me to use. I mean, I learned about it afterwards and now I don't have to put up with the 15 hour game and that whining annoying voice acting to understand what the hell was going on. I mean, 500 words compared to 15 HOURS? What would you pick? That's right, the words.

The 15 hours of the game was a CHORE. God, I don't know why I kept going with it.

8) Randomness.

Okay, I'm all for a little randomness, but this mod is not only decidedly un-funny, its also downright random to the point of stupidity.

I mean really, a vampire in a garage? A phat-rifle? Random weirdos quoting gibberish at me? Pants? God, its just too random.

9) Easter Eggs.

Why have Easter Eggs at all? I mean seriously, all they do is add another shallow level of unnecessary...ness to the game that shouldn't be there from the beginning. I don't want the counter taking up my screen space, and I don't want to have to follow the developers' sordid sense of humour perforate its way onto my computer. I had enough of that with the bloody foon, sporks and some random crap about pants.

Frankly, I think TNM is the biggest waste of download limit I've ever had the misfortune of using. Even more than that 50GB porno I downloaded the other month that turned out to be a six hour continuous rickroll.

And I wouldn't have it any other way :).
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by DDL »

I....I...don't really know what the purpose of this is.

I'm assuming spoof, but...well, since the number of negative reviews has been..fairly low: what's it actually spoofing?

Confused. :-k
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Duke Floss »

I threw my laptop at my wall because of that, and now I'm out $50,000 because I broke a priceless painting in my room and accidentally insulted my neighbours mother as I yelled profanities at the computer and now have to pay damages. Not funny. At all.
=D> - quite funny actually. :P
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Jaedar
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jaedar »

There was a jumping puzzle?

The post does seem like some form of satire. And really, the game is about an internet forum, if you don't know geek culture, you won't get the jokes, hell I'm supernedy, and I only got like half of em :)

Also the spork/foon thing is an awesome dig at religion, I find it quite amusing
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Duke Floss »

Jaedar wrote:There was a jumping puzzle?

The post does seem like some form of satire. And really, the game is about an internet forum, if you don't know geek culture, you won't get the jokes, hell I'm supernedy, and I only got like half of em :)

Also the spork/foon thing is an awesome dig at religion, I find it quite amusing
a few jumping puzzles that I remember - none of them really all that hellish, just tried and true jumping puzzles in an FPS game. Kinda fun considering I don't see to much of it anymore.

Fortunately for myself I have 10 years invested in learning the "geek" culture of internet forums and found most of the humour in the game spot on.
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by bananaSkill »

sounds like its been done by 10 year olds with speech impediments
that would be me 8)
loony636
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by loony636 »

DDL wrote:I....I...don't really know what the purpose of this is.

I'm assuming spoof, but...well, since the number of negative reviews has been..fairly low: what's it actually spoofing?

Confused. :-k
Oh, I wasn't spoofing. I was deadly serious :P.

Well, it was more an imitation of some of the Youtube comments that have come up around TNM. They're all along the lines of "OMG IT LOOKS BAD SO YOU SUCK", and without the majority of the people playing the mod enough to understand what its about or indeed how good it is. I wanted to write something positive, and since there's so many positive reviews out there I didn't want to inflate their egos any more than they already are:D.
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jcelios »

Jaedar wrote:Also the spork/foon thing is an awesome dig at religion, I find it quite amusing
To be honest I think you're reading to much into it. I don't think there's any special message behind the goat/lama cult. I think it's just for the sake of silliness. However I could be wrong, but thats just the impression I got. TNM wasn't meant to be a soapbox for the developers opinions about the world. :P
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Jaedar
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jaedar »

Well reading to much into things is what starts fanaticism in the first place. Don't you see it's a conspiracy!
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jcelios »

Jaedar wrote:Well reading to much into things is what starts fanaticism in the first place. Don't you see it's a conspiracy!
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by teknikal »

Jcelios wrote:
Jaedar wrote:Also the spork/foon thing is an awesome dig at religion, I find it quite amusing
To be honest I think you're reading to much into it. I don't think there's any special message behind the goat/lama cult. I think it's just for the sake of silliness. However I could be wrong, but thats just the impression I got. TNM wasn't meant to be a soapbox for the developers opinions about the world. :P
Hahahaha, yeah that's a little too much depth... Reminds me of how crazy artists try to pin some deep meaning and artisitc commentary onto what is essentially a canvas painted white or splashed with paint.

Sporks and foons = just awesome hilarity for the sake of it.

Oh man which reminds me... our supermarkets give out (if you buy avocados) plastic spoons that have a plastic knife on the other end where the handle should be. Deadly.

What is that?! A Spife or a knoon? *imagines the board room where they dream these crazy utensils up* It boggles the mind.
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jcelios »

I have a dream of the future in which we all use knoons.
And the flying cars, don't forget about them.

Actually I'd settle just for some mature nanotechnology before I........... go into cryo-storage.
(What you think I'm going to die? Hahahaha fools!)
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jonas »

Nanotech knoons. The ultimate weapon.
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Jcelios »

Jonas wrote:Nanotech knoons. The ultimate weapon.
Self Replicating Nanotech knoons. <3
Unless that was implied.
In that case.
Von Neumann* Nanotech knoons that are self aware.
WHAT THEN?

*As a fancier way of saying self replicating.
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Re: An honest review of TNM

Post by Arnaud G. Vasquez »

teknikal wrote:What is that?! A Spife or a knoon?
What I truly admire is neither a spife nor a knoon - but a sporfe! Consider Hobbes' description of the ingenious creation to Silver Dragon in the Llama temple - simply a marvelous thing.

Behold the actual terror here and shudder.
I'm pretty confident in everything from the neck up.
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