An honest review of TNM
Posted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:24 pm
Now really guys, I've been lurking around these forums for a while now, and I've noticed a great deal of comments about the mod like "OMG, its the best thing eva!!!" and "Jonas rockorz my boxorz" and whatever, so I'm going to set the record straight. Because really, is TNM that good?
The answer: No. It really isn't.
But to prove my point without a shadow of a doubt, let's look into a few of the more detailed gameplay elements:
1) The unreal engine.
It sucks guys. Really. It does. Its old, out of date, the AI is crap, the textures are awful and the models look like playdough blobs with eyes and mouths that move like a spastic monkey. I mean, look at Halo. Why didn't you guys use Halo as an engine, huh? Its just so much better than Deus Ex ever was.
2) Trestkon.
Okay, what is with this guy? Firstly, his name is the most retarded name I've ever seen EVER, and secondly, he's such a pansy. I don't want to be playing through 15 hours of a mod with a wishy washy character. Give him some balls, PLEASE.
3) The voice acting.
Now, while you guys went on and on about the voice acting, is it really that good? Answer: Hell no. Most of the voice acting sounds like its been done by 10 year olds with speech impediments. And I had to give up most of my bandwidth for these guys and they're just bad. Awful. I literally mute the game every time someone starts speaking, or kill them as soon as they look in my direction. I hate them that much.
4) The release dates.
I mean come on guys, I wanted this game five years ago, why wasn't it released? The team are lazy, that's why. Lazy. They've done nothing over the last 7 years, and its showed. I mean, I might as well have just gone to Deus Ex, taken all the models, maps, characters and conversation out of the game and replaced them all with a single untextured box room with two guys yelling something about sporks and I would've got the same result.
5) Goats and llamas.
Now, I'm not one to judge, but if the creators of this mod are that obsessed with goats and llamas, please, go get some help. I don't want to be exposed to your weird animal fetishes any more than I want to hear about Jonas' gastrointestinal issues. And believe me, I really don't want to know about those. So, I don't know what sporks and foons are, but please, the less of it that pollutes my computer the better.
6) Humour.
Okay, while this mod tries to be funny, its not. Let's just get that straight. That shit with the jumping puzzle WASN'T FUNNY. I threw my laptop at my wall because of that, and now I'm out $50,000 because I broke a priceless painting in my room and accidentally insulted my neighbours mother as I yelled profanities at the computer and now have to pay damages. Not funny. At all.
7) Length.
Have the game developers learned nothing about being short and to the point? Why do I have to play the entire game when the Wiki is just RIGHT THERE for me to use. I mean, I learned about it afterwards and now I don't have to put up with the 15 hour game and that whining annoying voice acting to understand what the hell was going on. I mean, 500 words compared to 15 HOURS? What would you pick? That's right, the words.
The 15 hours of the game was a CHORE. God, I don't know why I kept going with it.
8) Randomness.
Okay, I'm all for a little randomness, but this mod is not only decidedly un-funny, its also downright random to the point of stupidity.
I mean really, a vampire in a garage? A phat-rifle? Random weirdos quoting gibberish at me? Pants? God, its just too random.
9) Easter Eggs.
Why have Easter Eggs at all? I mean seriously, all they do is add another shallow level of unnecessary...ness to the game that shouldn't be there from the beginning. I don't want the counter taking up my screen space, and I don't want to have to follow the developers' sordid sense of humour perforate its way onto my computer. I had enough of that with the bloody foon, sporks and some random crap about pants.
Frankly, I think TNM is the biggest waste of download limit I've ever had the misfortune of using. Even more than that 50GB porno I downloaded the other month that turned out to be a six hour continuous rickroll.
And I wouldn't have it any other way :).
The answer: No. It really isn't.
But to prove my point without a shadow of a doubt, let's look into a few of the more detailed gameplay elements:
1) The unreal engine.
It sucks guys. Really. It does. Its old, out of date, the AI is crap, the textures are awful and the models look like playdough blobs with eyes and mouths that move like a spastic monkey. I mean, look at Halo. Why didn't you guys use Halo as an engine, huh? Its just so much better than Deus Ex ever was.
2) Trestkon.
Okay, what is with this guy? Firstly, his name is the most retarded name I've ever seen EVER, and secondly, he's such a pansy. I don't want to be playing through 15 hours of a mod with a wishy washy character. Give him some balls, PLEASE.
3) The voice acting.
Now, while you guys went on and on about the voice acting, is it really that good? Answer: Hell no. Most of the voice acting sounds like its been done by 10 year olds with speech impediments. And I had to give up most of my bandwidth for these guys and they're just bad. Awful. I literally mute the game every time someone starts speaking, or kill them as soon as they look in my direction. I hate them that much.
4) The release dates.
I mean come on guys, I wanted this game five years ago, why wasn't it released? The team are lazy, that's why. Lazy. They've done nothing over the last 7 years, and its showed. I mean, I might as well have just gone to Deus Ex, taken all the models, maps, characters and conversation out of the game and replaced them all with a single untextured box room with two guys yelling something about sporks and I would've got the same result.
5) Goats and llamas.
Now, I'm not one to judge, but if the creators of this mod are that obsessed with goats and llamas, please, go get some help. I don't want to be exposed to your weird animal fetishes any more than I want to hear about Jonas' gastrointestinal issues. And believe me, I really don't want to know about those. So, I don't know what sporks and foons are, but please, the less of it that pollutes my computer the better.
6) Humour.
Okay, while this mod tries to be funny, its not. Let's just get that straight. That shit with the jumping puzzle WASN'T FUNNY. I threw my laptop at my wall because of that, and now I'm out $50,000 because I broke a priceless painting in my room and accidentally insulted my neighbours mother as I yelled profanities at the computer and now have to pay damages. Not funny. At all.
7) Length.
Have the game developers learned nothing about being short and to the point? Why do I have to play the entire game when the Wiki is just RIGHT THERE for me to use. I mean, I learned about it afterwards and now I don't have to put up with the 15 hour game and that whining annoying voice acting to understand what the hell was going on. I mean, 500 words compared to 15 HOURS? What would you pick? That's right, the words.
The 15 hours of the game was a CHORE. God, I don't know why I kept going with it.
8) Randomness.
Okay, I'm all for a little randomness, but this mod is not only decidedly un-funny, its also downright random to the point of stupidity.
I mean really, a vampire in a garage? A phat-rifle? Random weirdos quoting gibberish at me? Pants? God, its just too random.
9) Easter Eggs.
Why have Easter Eggs at all? I mean seriously, all they do is add another shallow level of unnecessary...ness to the game that shouldn't be there from the beginning. I don't want the counter taking up my screen space, and I don't want to have to follow the developers' sordid sense of humour perforate its way onto my computer. I had enough of that with the bloody foon, sporks and some random crap about pants.
Frankly, I think TNM is the biggest waste of download limit I've ever had the misfortune of using. Even more than that 50GB porno I downloaded the other month that turned out to be a six hour continuous rickroll.
And I wouldn't have it any other way :).
- quite funny actually. 
