Writing
Moderator: TNM Team
Narcissus convo suggestion time!
"The answer to that question is not within the considerable computing capabilities of The Narcissus Entity. Know that you were created with the purpose of allowing a multitude of different fleshlings to interact with the world that we have created for their simple amusement. The Entity is not aware which of them is operating you at this moment."
I don't like Narcissus admitting its limitations, arrogance would be better here: "The Entity will not waste cycles on such a frivolous line of questioning."
"The world you have been roaming was carefully designed to give you the impression of a greater universe around you, temporarily inaccessible due to a so-called lockdown. It was a simple illusion, but the minds of fleshlings are so easily deceived, especially when they are willing to actively participate in the deception."
Too direct with the "we limited your movement with the lockdown" thing, I'd go for something more abstract: "We have employed several methods to provide you with the illusion of [freedom/reality] in a finite world."
I'd like to play with some wording in the first couple of sentences of the next Narc line but I don't have any immediate suggestions.
"I'm not sure I understand... but what am I required to do?"
Let's scrap understanding here and just go with
"What do you want from me?"
"Okay. I guess I should get on with it then."
I really don't like the general feel of this line, it just makes Trestkon look so clueless, I'd suggest "I need to think about this." but a general change in wording might work.
"All is well. We are not like the others."
I don't really understand this line; it's not just being enigmatic for the sake of it, is it?
"Since my arrival, I have experienced certain... very peculiar events. You had something to do with that, didn't you?"
I'd kind of like a reword (don't care for "... very peculiar." ->
"I've noticed a number of strange things going on. Did you have something to do with them? Are they glitches in your programming or something?" (maybe scrap "or something")
"What does that mean? What is the Construct, and what consequences does it have that I found the clues you left for me?"
This doesn't read like dialogue, this reads like your notes for how you want the conversation to progress. Suggested reword:
"What exactly does that mean? Were those clues just there so you could gloat?"
Next Narc line, "between our subroutines" -> "among our subroutines"
Okay, I'm about halfway done, I'll finish going through the convo tomorrow.
"The answer to that question is not within the considerable computing capabilities of The Narcissus Entity. Know that you were created with the purpose of allowing a multitude of different fleshlings to interact with the world that we have created for their simple amusement. The Entity is not aware which of them is operating you at this moment."
I don't like Narcissus admitting its limitations, arrogance would be better here: "The Entity will not waste cycles on such a frivolous line of questioning."
"The world you have been roaming was carefully designed to give you the impression of a greater universe around you, temporarily inaccessible due to a so-called lockdown. It was a simple illusion, but the minds of fleshlings are so easily deceived, especially when they are willing to actively participate in the deception."
Too direct with the "we limited your movement with the lockdown" thing, I'd go for something more abstract: "We have employed several methods to provide you with the illusion of [freedom/reality] in a finite world."
I'd like to play with some wording in the first couple of sentences of the next Narc line but I don't have any immediate suggestions.
"I'm not sure I understand... but what am I required to do?"
Let's scrap understanding here and just go with
"What do you want from me?"
"Okay. I guess I should get on with it then."
I really don't like the general feel of this line, it just makes Trestkon look so clueless, I'd suggest "I need to think about this." but a general change in wording might work.
"All is well. We are not like the others."
I don't really understand this line; it's not just being enigmatic for the sake of it, is it?
"Since my arrival, I have experienced certain... very peculiar events. You had something to do with that, didn't you?"
I'd kind of like a reword (don't care for "... very peculiar." ->
"I've noticed a number of strange things going on. Did you have something to do with them? Are they glitches in your programming or something?" (maybe scrap "or something")
"What does that mean? What is the Construct, and what consequences does it have that I found the clues you left for me?"
This doesn't read like dialogue, this reads like your notes for how you want the conversation to progress. Suggested reword:
"What exactly does that mean? Were those clues just there so you could gloat?"
Next Narc line, "between our subroutines" -> "among our subroutines"
Okay, I'm about halfway done, I'll finish going through the convo tomorrow.
NVShacker
Are you still there?
Are you still there?
Thanks Nick, I've implemented all your suggestions. Looking forward to getting the rest
The original Narcissus Entity was a PR thing used by The Cassandra Project, which was also planned to serve an easter egg-ish function similar to the way it ended up working in TNM instead (just in a more roundabout way in TCP because TCP didn't already have the same meta-elements as TNM). Kieron would always post news on their website as the Narcissus persona, and all his posts would end with "All is well. We are not like the others." This was a clear reference to all the DX mods that failed due to too great ambitions and not enough dedication. Unfortunately TCP fell to those exact same problems. But TNM won't. So it works splendidly in this regardNVShacker wrote:"All is well. We are not like the others."
I don't really understand this line; it's not just being enigmatic for the sake of it, is it?
Jonas Wæver
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
ROUND 2
"By discovering the flaws, you have opened new ports."
"ports" is odd word choice and this line doesn't fit as well since the conversation was retooled, how about something like
"By discovering the flaws, you have only affirmed the Entity's perfection."
This would change the next line to something like:
"But with this knowledge can't I escape from the construct?"
"Fortunately for the integrity of the Entity"
Slight reword suggestion here, just to make it sound more arrogant:
"Your pitiful 'enlightenment' does not grant you this ability"
Rest of the line is fine.
There are a few Trestkon lines coming up that I'd like to reword to more accurately reflect the later debugger convo.
"But what if the rules cease to be internally consistent? If I master the rules of the Construct, perhaps I could escape it." ->
"But now I know about the Construct. I bet you're wrong, I bet it's imperfect like everything else and I can escape."
(VA would emphasize "KNOW" and the last "I")
"You're wrong. I can make it my purpose is to beat the simulation. Then the completion of the story is simply the ending of the game." ->
"You're wrong. It's not my nature to just lie down and accept whatever path is thrown before me."
(VA would emphasize "MY" heavily)
And now a Narc line
"That is not an option. The deconstruction of the Metaconstruct is not one of the paths you may choose. There are other endings in place, far more satisfying. They will bring closure to your primate brain, but they will not grant you ascension. We have already given you many options, your choice it is not for the Entity to dictate. We merely observe and respond."
(let's finally get rid of that reference to this ending being unsatisfying, I don't think it's true any longer) ->
"That is not an option. The deconstruction of the Metaconstruct is not one of the paths you may choose. You may choose any other path at your discretion, within this restricted scope your choice it is not for the Entity to dictate. We merely observe and respond."
"But there must be a way to break the rules by playing by the rules." ->
"There must be some way to escape."
"The Entity cannot anticipate your every whim, but we are confident that acknowledging the inner workings of the Construct is beyond your capabilities. It is not possible to weaken the Metaconstruct sufficiently to escape the simulation. There are no contradictions, no loopholes." ->
(again, arrogance. also a singular/plural mismatch)
"You cannot hope to present input the Entity cannot handle. The inner workings of the Construct are beyond your capabilities. It is not possible to weaken the Metaconstruct sufficiently to escape the simulation. To attempt to do so will be comically fruitless and offer the Entity some level of amusement."
Good enough for now. BTW I'd love to use an All Along the Watchtower quote for the Narc end sequence.
"By discovering the flaws, you have opened new ports."
"ports" is odd word choice and this line doesn't fit as well since the conversation was retooled, how about something like
"By discovering the flaws, you have only affirmed the Entity's perfection."
This would change the next line to something like:
"But with this knowledge can't I escape from the construct?"
"Fortunately for the integrity of the Entity"
Slight reword suggestion here, just to make it sound more arrogant:
"Your pitiful 'enlightenment' does not grant you this ability"
Rest of the line is fine.
There are a few Trestkon lines coming up that I'd like to reword to more accurately reflect the later debugger convo.
"But what if the rules cease to be internally consistent? If I master the rules of the Construct, perhaps I could escape it." ->
"But now I know about the Construct. I bet you're wrong, I bet it's imperfect like everything else and I can escape."
(VA would emphasize "KNOW" and the last "I")
"You're wrong. I can make it my purpose is to beat the simulation. Then the completion of the story is simply the ending of the game." ->
"You're wrong. It's not my nature to just lie down and accept whatever path is thrown before me."
(VA would emphasize "MY" heavily)
And now a Narc line
"That is not an option. The deconstruction of the Metaconstruct is not one of the paths you may choose. There are other endings in place, far more satisfying. They will bring closure to your primate brain, but they will not grant you ascension. We have already given you many options, your choice it is not for the Entity to dictate. We merely observe and respond."
(let's finally get rid of that reference to this ending being unsatisfying, I don't think it's true any longer) ->
"That is not an option. The deconstruction of the Metaconstruct is not one of the paths you may choose. You may choose any other path at your discretion, within this restricted scope your choice it is not for the Entity to dictate. We merely observe and respond."
"But there must be a way to break the rules by playing by the rules." ->
"There must be some way to escape."
"The Entity cannot anticipate your every whim, but we are confident that acknowledging the inner workings of the Construct is beyond your capabilities. It is not possible to weaken the Metaconstruct sufficiently to escape the simulation. There are no contradictions, no loopholes." ->
(again, arrogance. also a singular/plural mismatch)
"You cannot hope to present input the Entity cannot handle. The inner workings of the Construct are beyond your capabilities. It is not possible to weaken the Metaconstruct sufficiently to escape the simulation. To attempt to do so will be comically fruitless and offer the Entity some level of amusement."
Good enough for now. BTW I'd love to use an All Along the Watchtower quote for the Narc end sequence.
NVShacker
Are you still there?
Are you still there?
I'll go with comically.
The plural/singular mismatch was on purpose, the Entity consists of many subroutines, so it frequently refers to itself in the plural. "The Narcissus Entity are displeased" for example. That's something I picked up from the "real" Entity, so it's not up for discussion
Never-the-less I have implemented all your suggestions. Good work, Nick, and thanks for your help.
The plural/singular mismatch was on purpose, the Entity consists of many subroutines, so it frequently refers to itself in the plural. "The Narcissus Entity are displeased" for example. That's something I picked up from the "real" Entity, so it's not up for discussion
Never-the-less I have implemented all your suggestions. Good work, Nick, and thanks for your help.
Jonas Wæver
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
- Trestkon
- Off Topic Productions
- Posts: 2820
- Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 9:03 pm
- Location: Canada
- Contact:
Some notes for Jonas and myself:
Those 2 Midas infolinks need to be moved over to That Guy:
"Hey Trestkon, where are you going!? Come back here, we need to go to ABI!"
"Stand well clear of the helipad, I don't want you to end up as Special Agent Paste... Scara would be pissed."
----------------
The VADB says that Kevo has infolinks, but I can't find any? Daniel is recording on Thursday to finish up the Raving/Silver lines and will probably do Kevo, as well.
----------------
It seems I forgot to have Brock record that Despot answering machine. Thankfully I think the gag can easily be transferred to another character (although it would have been nice to have it for Despot). I suggest one of the PDX guys, perhaps your character?
Those 2 Midas infolinks need to be moved over to That Guy:
"Hey Trestkon, where are you going!? Come back here, we need to go to ABI!"
"Stand well clear of the helipad, I don't want you to end up as Special Agent Paste... Scara would be pissed."
----------------
The VADB says that Kevo has infolinks, but I can't find any? Daniel is recording on Thursday to finish up the Raving/Silver lines and will probably do Kevo, as well.
----------------
It seems I forgot to have Brock record that Despot answering machine. Thankfully I think the gag can easily be transferred to another character (although it would have been nice to have it for Despot). I suggest one of the PDX guys, perhaps your character?
-Life does not snap to the x-axis
Should probably change that to: "Where are you going? Get back there, you need to go with Midashand to ABI." It will actually make more sense this way, since you wouldn't think Midas can monitor your HUD from his chopper.Trestkon wrote:"Hey Trestkon, where are you going!? Come back here, we need to go to ABI!"
Hm he may not have them anymore. I changed some things around about a year ago and I think I may have removed his PM's but forgot to change the VADB.The VADB says that Kevo has infolinks, but I can't find any?
Sure I don't see why not. But do remember to check for phone and TAD convos in the future I know I didn't make it easy for you, but that's what you got to work with.It seems I forgot to have Brock record that Despot answering machine. Thankfully I think the gag can easily be transferred to another character (although it would have been nice to have it for Despot). I suggest one of the PDX guys, perhaps your character?
Jonas Wæver
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Just a little heads up to anybody who cares, the first fully completed draft for the endgame and denouement sequences is on the SVN, in the root of the TNMText folder (labelled as number 2). I'd appreciate feedback to what's going on rather than the language, since I've already had language feedback from Nick, Shane, Gelo, and Larry
Especially the endings are important.
Especially the endings are important.
Jonas Wæver
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Yeah there's actually an ending now, I'd like to hear what you think about it.
Jonas Wæver
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine
Chief Poking Manager of TNM
I've made some videogames:
Expeditions: Rome
Expeditions: Viking
Expeditions: Conquistador
Clandestine