Where is the spam!?

Post by **Jonas** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 12:23 pm

For crying out loud, this is ANARCHY LAND! It's time to SPAM! Spam like never before! I want to see us obtain previously unmatched levels of pointlessness!

SPAM!!!

Phasmatis · Post by **Phasmatis** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:54 am

I would like to announce I am pregnant!

Post by **Jonas** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:38 pm

AWESOME! Congratulations, Phas... is it a squid? :dance:

AT Jazz · Post by **AT Jazz** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 10:23 am

The Jazzmiester? r0x0rz your b0x0rz.

Throbulator · Post by **Throbulator** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:17 pm

I'd like to make an anouncement. Its been hard for me but i must speak my mind....... I am a gay robot, there i said it.

Post by **Jonas** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:55 pm

W00T, congrats on that!

Do you ever find it difficult to get laid?

AT Jazz · Post by **AT Jazz** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:13 am

Many other gay robots like him must be around, btw, I'm so freakin cool, you all faint on my presence.

Post by **Jonas** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:22 pm

*Faints*

E.L. · Post by **E.L.** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 4:17 pm

ive just washed, waxed, and hoovered, my car.

For the Second Time This Week

......ill take that cookie.......

Jazz · Post by **Jazz** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 12:35 pm

Can I still spam here?

......

...........

.........................

I guess so.

Shadowtruth · Post by **Shadowtruth** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:03 pm

Doomsday is coming!!! soooooooo manyyy hurricanes they are all against Bush! gay robots wow bytes ej*cu1ation!!

Master_Kale · Post by **Master_Kale** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:41 pm

SPAM!!

1. Monty Python's SPAM Sketch

Setting: A cafe. All the customers are Vikings. Mr. and Mrs. bun enter -
downwards (on wires).

Mr. Bun (Eric Idle): Morning.

Waitress (Terry Jones): Morning.

Mr. Bun: What have you got, then?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage, and bacon; egg and SPAM;
egg, bacon, and SPAM; egg, bacon, sausage and SPAM; SPAM, bacon,
sausage, and SPAM; SPAM, egg, SPAM, SPAM, bacon, and SPAM; SPAM, SPAM,
SPAM, egg, and SPAM; SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, baked beans,
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, and SPAM; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with
a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate, brandy, and a fried egg
on top and SPAM.

Mrs. Bun (Graham Chapman): Have you got anything without SPAM in it?

Waitress: Well, there's SPAM, egg, sausage, and SPAM. That's not got MUCH
SPAM in it.

Mrs. Bun: I don't want _any_ SPAM.

Mr. Bun: Why can't she have egg, bacon, SPAM, and sausage?

Mrs. Bun: That's got SPAM in it!

Mr. Bun: Not as much as SPAM, egg, sausage, and SPAM.

Mrs. Bun: Look, could I have egg, bacon, SPAM, and sausage without the SPAM?

Waitress: Uuuuuuuuugggggh!

Mrs. Bun: What d'you mean uuugggh!? I don't like SPAM.

Vikings: (singing) SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM..SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM... Lovely
SPAM,wonderful SPAM.... (Brief shot of Viking ship)

Waitress: Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can't have egg, bacon, SPAM, and
sausage without the SPAM.

Mrs. Bun: Why not!

Waitress: No, it wouldn't be egg, bacon, SPAM, and sausage, would it.

Mrs. Bun: I don't like SPAM!

Mr. Bun: Don't make a fuss, dear. I'll have your SPAM. I love it. I'm
having SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

Vikings: (singing) SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

Mr. Bun: ...baked beans, SPAM, SPAM, and SPAM.

Waitress: Baked beans are off.

Mr. Bun: Well, can I have SPAM instead?

Waitress: You mean SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
SPAM?

Vikings: (still singing) SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM.... (etc.)

Mr. Bun: Yes.

Waitress: Arrggh!

Vikings: ...lovely SPAM, wonderful SPAM...

Waitress: Shut up! Shut up! (The Vikings shut up momentarily. Enter the
Hungarian [from an earlier sketch])

Hungarian: Great boobies honeybun, my lower intestine is full of SPAM, egg,
SPAM, bacon, SPAM, tomato, SPAM...

Vikings: (starting up again) SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM...

Waitress: Shut up. (a policeman rushes in and bundles the Hungarian out)

Hungarian: My nipples explode... (Cut to a historian)

Historian (Michael Palin): Another great Viking victory was at the Green
Midget cafe at Bromley. Once again the Viking strategy was the same.
They sailed from these fiords here (indicating a map with arrows on
it), assembled at Trondheim, and waited for the strong north-easterly
winds to blow their oaken galleys to England whence they sailed on
May 23rd. Once in Bromley they assembled in the Green Midget cafe
and SPAM selecting a SPAM particular SPAM item from the SPAM menu
would SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM... (the backdrop rises, revealing the
cafe again. The Vikings start singing again and the Historian
conducts them.)

Vikings: (singing) SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, Lovely SPAM, Wonderful SPAM,
Lovely SPAM, wonderful SPAM (etc.)

2. SPAM City

Lyrics by Gill Derge and Rick Arthur, assisted by Chris Volpe
(sing to the tune of David Bowie's "Suffragette City")

Hey, Spam! Oh, eat me alone, you know.
Hey, Spam! Straight off the bone, I gotta...
Hey, Spam! With eggs it goes great.
That slimy white gel makes it just slide off my plate.

Hey, Spam! Schoolday's insane.
Hey, Spam! Got lunch on my brain.
Hey, Spam! Oh, I love you spam-can.
I simply have to squeeze you but the ... and then the ...

CHORUS
So, eat only Spam,
'Cause you can't afford chicken.
There's vitamins in Spam, Silly!
Pro-tein fast from Spam,
'Cause you ain't got time for chicken.
The "other pink meat" is pretty.

It's outta sight ... Spam's all right.

Hey, Spam! I'm full, I need to unwind, go way.
Hey, Spam! Ah, I can't eat you this time, no way.
Hey, Spam! OK, but just one more bite.
There's only room for one, and here she comes, here she comes.

(CHORUS)

Ah, hey, Spam!

(CHORUS)

Aaaah, Spam! Spam! Eggs and Spam!

Spam is so pretty! ... Aaaaaaaah ... It's the best!

Spam Haiku

haiku (hi'koo) An unrhymed Japanese lyric poem having a fixed
3-line 17-syllable form.

Spam (spam) (undefined in Webster's: possibly undefinable)

With that in mind.

Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

-----------

Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass.
Pass another slice.

-----------

Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat.
Give me a spork please.

------------

Old man seeks doctor.
"I eat SPAM daily", he says.
Angioplasty.

-----------

Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food".
A small pink coffin.

-----------

Watch the pink slab fry
Its grease can lubricate eggs
Get ketchup ready

-----------

Spam on Wonder bread
He's allergic to sulfites
Hives come after lunch

-----------

Pressed, the cold slice soothes
Eye, a black-and-blue shiner
Spam, what useful stuff

Parts of pigs o' plenty.
Sumptuous feet and tails,
Rub amber gel through hair.

You don't want to know,
What they put in that tin can
It's scary to think.

Drop a pig in a blender,
Add salt and dye:
The recipe for Spam.

Have you ever lost anything
It's in that one little can,
Of Spam.

In the same manner as we,
lick envelopes to seal them,
cows lick Spam.

Did you ever wonder,
Where rats go when they die?
Spam knows where they go.

===================
--- Author unknown.

Another Spam Poem

Oh what culinary delights lie in wait for me
As I float upon this breeze of ethereal spam?
Is this my destiny?
A testimony?
Gelatine?
Eternally
An entity
In pink.

--- By Liz (last name unknown)

Master_Kale · Post by **Master_Kale** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:41 pm

P.S. Please don't banzor me plzkthxbye!!

Shadowtruth · Post by **Shadowtruth** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:48 pm

LOL!!! Master (of) Spam

Nap · Post by **Nap** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:46 pm

Where is the spam!?

Where is the spam!?

SPAM!!!

Teh SPAM!!!11oneone